Everyone’s Irish on that day


“The Irish heart is warm and wide, a place where love and peace abide.”
Saint Patrick’s day will be here soon. It was originally a Catholic feast day, but now it celebrates the Irish culture, literature, music and, of course, drinking habits.
Ireland is a country that has been inhabited for more than 9,000 years and has a rich heritage of happy people. I think when we plan to celebrate Saint Patty›s Day, a smile comes to our face. There’s so much humor connected to it and they say everyone becomes a little Irish on that day.
The story of St. Patrick goes like this: At age 16, Patrick was kidnapped by Irish raiders and taken from his British home. He spent six years working as a shepherd and during that time found God. God told him to flee to the coast, where a ship would be waiting to take him home. Some years after he arrived back in Britain he became a priest. Later, he returned to Ireland as a missionary. Patrick used the Shamrock, a three-leaf plant, to help explain the Holy Trinity to the pagan Irish. Yes, the color green has long been associated with the Irish and St. Patrick›s Day.
Because the Irish are known for their love of alcohol, lots of funny things are portrayed in their jokes. Remember, we are laughing with the Irish, not at them.
An Irishman, who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.
“So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have ya been?”
“Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,” slurs the drunk.
“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening.”
“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.
“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”
“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”
What a wonderful sense of humor the Irish have.
Here’s another one – One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, “It’s certainly not a ship.”
As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft. Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a black wet suit. Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask, and zipping down the top of the wet suit, there stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde! She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said, “Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve had a good cigar?”
“Ten years!” replied the amazed Irishman.
With that, she unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and lighter. He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag.
“Faith & begorrah!” said the castaway. “Ah, that is so good! I’d forgotten how great a smoke can be!”
“And how long has it been since you’ve had a drop of good Bushmill’s Irish Whiskey?” asked the blonde.
Trembling, the castaway replied, “Ten years!”
Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket and removed a flask and handed it to him. He opened the flask and took a long drink. “‘Tis nectar of the gods!” shouted the Irishman. “‘Tis truly fantastic!”
At this point, the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, “And how long has it been since you’ve played around?”
With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, “Jesus, Mary & Joseph! Don’t tell me that you’ve got golf clubs in there, too!”
The Irish are so funny! They also have wonderful sayings, which make us smile.
“As you slide down the banister’s of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.
“A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures for anything.”
And then a wonderful wish from the Irish (and me) – “May the wings of the butterfly kiss the sun and find your shoulder to light on to bring you luck, happiness and riches, today, tomorrow and beyond.”
(Melanie Behrens – melb@marysvillejt.com)

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