Above is a drawing that appeared repeatedly in Stella Abel’s journals. The drawing shows Stella covered by a dark, clawing cloud, filled with hurtful and negative words that were either said to her or she imagined about herself. A white cloud, filled with affirmation, reaches out to rescue the girl. Certain words from the cloud have been blurred, due to their sensitive nature.
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On Nov. 19, Stella Abel cooked dinner for her family. The 15-year-old talked and laughed with those she loved. Eventually she said good night and told family members she loved them. The evening could not have been more normal.
The next morning, Stella’s family found her body.
“I’m trying to scrape together what is left into something I can look forward to,” Vanessa Prentice, Stella’s mother, wrote in the days following her daughter’s suicide. “I know it will get better. I’ve already had the worst day of my life and every day is better than that. But, I can’t lie. It’s hard.”
Prentice said her husband was, and still is, very worried about her. She acknowledged that the first day, she just kept saying she wanted to join Stella — not that she wanted to die herself, but she hated that Stella was alone and possibly afraid.
Stella liked dragons, and rainbows and funky hats. She enjoyed drawing, wore her hair colorful and had a collection of eclectic t-shirts. She liked donuts and garlic mashed potatoes. When she grew up she wanted to be an astronaut.
By all accounts, Stella was quick to laugh and always had a smile. She was very active with the school band, local drama clubs and volunteered at a variety of events. She liked to sing and make jokes. She seemed like the kind of girl who could never hurt herself.
But beneath the funny, quirky exterior was a rooted emotional struggle.
“Honestly, none of us were really able to see how deeply she was in pain,” said Marie Prentice, Stella’s sister.
There is a history of depression, mental illness and even suicide attempts in the family. With that knowledge, Stella was participating in weekly therapy sessions. Her mother said Stella was “getting as much support as she could possibly have had.”
She said she would talk to Stella about depression, mental health and suicide, but the mother thought things were OK, even if they weren’t perfect.
“I talked to her. I asked her and she would say ‘Everything is fine,’” Prentice said.
But for residents of Union County battling mental health issues, like Stella, everything is not fine. The number of suicides has bulged well beyond what is normal.
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Union County Coroner David Applegate said there were at least nine suicides in 2018, not including several possible incidents that lacked enough evidence to make that ruling. He said labeling a death as suicide can be difficult forensically and tricky socially.
Additionally, Applegate knows of a handful of instances involving a Union County resident who left the area to commit suicide.
The coroner said that for many years, the county averaged about four suicides a year. In the past four years, that number ticked up to six. He said nine is a record.
The coroner said it is difficult to know what’s happening in the community to push that number. He said that as the population increases, everything, including suicides, will increase, but that doesn’t explain away the issue.
“It just feels like a large number,” Applegate said.
He said the community cannot ignore this many people choosing to end their lives.
“I think this is the type of information we need to share with mental health authorities and with hospitals, so they know what’s happening and what we are dealing with,” Applegate said.
Lance Emberling, the investigator for the coroner’s office, said the incidents of suicide in 2018 span the gambit of ages, social and economic status and reasoning. He said the only constant is a mental health concern.
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Local mental health officials agree that nine deaths feels too high for this community.
“That suggests we need to keep getting that message out … that it is ok to say ‘I need help’ or ‘I need a break here, I need to step back,’” Dr. Philip Atkins, Executive Director of the Union County Board of Mental Health and Recovery said.
Atkins acknowledged mental health officials didn’t have prior contact with many, if any, of the nine Union County suicide victims.
He said many people treat depression can be like the common cold, they think they can simply get through it and everything will be OK eventually.
“Kids can be depressed, but very often, there is a triggering event, a last straw,” Holly Zweizig, Adult Systems of Care Director for the mental health agency, said. “For adults who struggle with depression, the road is longer. It is kind of a downward spiral they get into.”
Atkins said depression often goes unnoticed, and if the sufferer ends their life the reason sometimes “becomes blurry.”
“In some cases, there is an identifiable ‘why’ and it is comforting to be able to pin point,” Atkins said. “Where families really struggle is when they have so many unanswered questions.”
Vanessa Prentice agrees. She said it is particularly frustrating because she will never know what pushed Stella to take her life. She will never know exactly why.
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In her final minutes, Stella actually reached out for help through an app on her phone.
“She told someone, anonymously, on this app, that she was thinking of hurting herself,” Vanessa Prentice said, but the app was not created or equipped to handle a situation like Stella’s.
“It was meant for people who want to (complain) about their life,” she said. “Stella reached out for help at the last minute and unfortunately, it didn’t work.”
Zweizig said the county has a help line that can be called, 1-800-731-5577 or texted, 85511. She said Maryhaven, a local mental health service provider offers mental health assistance during certain hours.
Locally, there are programs for teens, for children, for parents, for adults, for the elderly, for the addicted, for gay, lesbian, transgendered, transsexual people and for those with family members who have committed suicide. The county offers courses for students, coaches, clergy, teachers and others to help identify what the mental health and recovery board calls “suicidal ideations.”
Officials acknowledge the number of programs and the process itself can be overwhelming. They said the idea is to create a process to help everyone in need, but recognize that if people can’t find the right path, they won’t get help.
Prentice said there needs to be an easy access point, and one geared for children.
“It has to be something where it is available and easy to get started, especially for kids because they don’t know how to navigate anything like that,” Prentice said of the traditional mental health pathways.
At Stella’s memorial service, Prentice distributed the number to the national suicide hotline, 1-800-273-8255, as well as information about a credible cellphone app, MY3. She asked everyone to save the number on their phone and on their child’s phones.
“If they have their phones with them, and they have that number on the phone, they can call that number and get help, actual help,” Prentice said.
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Vanessa Prentice reiterated that the decision was her daughter’s. She doesn’t blame the school, or the therapist, or bullies, or the community or herself.
Even so, many people have regrets.
Marie Prentice wishes she had paid more attention. She wishes knew how much pain her sister was in. She said it is too late now, but she wishes she had been a better friend and sister.
Mental health officials wish they had been able to provide life-saving services to the girl.
Her mother said she wishes she had known some things, seen some things. Prentice said she isn’t the kind of mother to pry. She said she didn’t read Stella’s diary or journals.
“We were the kind of parents that were like, ‘We support your privacy,’” Prentice said.
Even so, Stella’s mother wishes she had seen some portions of her daughter’s drawing pads, because one drawing appeared, “over and over again.”
The drawing shows Stella covered by a dark, demon-like cloud, filled with hurtful and negative words that were either said to her or she imagined about herself. The dark, clawed, cloud nearly surrounds her. A smaller, white cloud, filled with words of affirmation reaches out to rescue the girl, though it never pulls her from the dark cloud.
Prentice said the white cloud was “never enough to overwhelm the dark cloud that was overhead.”
“If people could see that drawing, it would make them think twice about saying things that would add to someone’s dark cloud. They would look to add to that light cloud,” Prentice said.
She added, “You don’t know if they have that dark cloud over them. People tell themselves enough bad things. They don’t need you to criticize them. They need you to tell them the good.”