Even if you don’t attend church regularly, I’m sure you know someone who does. It can be a place where we go to be reminded of how much God loves us and forgives us for all the crazy things we do every day. It’s also a place where we can derive much humor, which we need to get through those tough times.
Join me now for some quotes from “church bulletins.” Just one little dropped letter, misplaced phrase or misspelling and everything changes. Some made me laugh out loud, but it seems like they might need a proofreader. We are familiar with that in our business.
“Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.”
“Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.”
“Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.”
“For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.”
“Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.”
“At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.” (Hmmmm)
“Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on July 3 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.”
“A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow …”
“Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.”
“Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.”
“Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.”
“The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.”
“Pot-luck supper this coming Sunday at 5:00 p.m. – prayer and medication to follow.”
“The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.”
“This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.” (See what happens when you drop a letter.)
“The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.”
“Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.”
“The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement this Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.”
“Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.”
And finally, “The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.”
(Melanie Behrens – firstname.lastname@example.org)
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