Crazy things we do

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In the past, I have written several times about crazy things my friends do. My friend Jill is rich fodder for this. She has so many good qualities, and in addition, she really makes me laugh with the crazy things she does!
One of her most interesting aspects is, she loses things all the time. In fact, a few weeks ago I wrote about her leaving her GPS golf watch in the cart and retrieving it from the lost items at the course a few days later. That involved a random act of kindness by the staff at the course.
But her most recent incident isn’t exactly losing something. I would call it more, absconding with something. Jill and her husband, Dick, both have a key fob for their car. So there are two of them and recently Jill had both of them. Here’s how that story went.
Jill and I, plus several other women, were in a car on a short day-trip and we were about a half hour from home when her cell phone rang. It was Dick, sounding a little agitated, but remember he’s been married to Jill for many, many years, so he’s always sort of prepared for this kind of event. He was ready to go play golf and his clubs were in the trunk of the car, which was at his house. However, there were no keys at home to get into the car, which happened to be locked.
His first question was, “Jill do you have my car fob?” She said, “Why would I have yours, I only have mine.” And then she began to search frantically through her purse as she talked to Dick on the phone. The rest of us in the car could hear everything and were thinking – oh no, this isn’t good. While she’s denying having both key fobs, the second one appeared in her hand. Then she said rather meekly, “Oh, I’m sorry, yes I do.”
So now, his friends are waiting for him to pick them up and he has no way to get into his car or obtain access to his golf clubs. This isn’t a good thing!
In a much more calm manner than I would ever experience at my house, Dick says he will borrow some clubs and have the others pick him up. That’s what happened and the rest of the story is even better.
As I quizzed Dick about being so relatively pleasant about the incident, having his routine ruined and playing with strange clubs, a big smile came to his face and he said, “I’m keeping those clubs I borrowed since I shot an 82 and all was well.” Let’s hear it for Dick and his ability to cope with Jill and their strange situations.
Just when I was ready to close my book on Jill’s recent stories this happened last week. To begin with, I shall say, I have played golf with her many times and she really does need a “keeper.” I feel I should say, before I start the next story, that she has a good sense of humor and doesn’t mind me sharing her experiences with all of you.
Riding in the same cart with her is an adventure. Often she will have an open purse laying on the seat with things rolling out as we travel along and sometimes we will see her golf balls falling out of the back of her golf bag because a pocket is unzipped. Are you getting the picture now?
Also, she’s never quite sure which golf ball she’s playing with, so everyone else has to be able to identify theirs because Jill is always sure that’s her ball. So some of this ball thing is how the next incident occurred.
This is how it went. She was the driver of the cart riding with another girl and got out to check and see if it was her ball. Her friend in the passenger seat saw that she was going to need to move the cart, because it would be in the way. As she stepped on the gas from the right side of the cart her foot became lodged between the accelerator and the brake.
It was stuck sideways and the pedal was down, so the cart was moving forward at a rapid pace. At just that same moment, Jill decided to walk in front of the cart and her friend started yelling, “Look out,” but Jill didn’t look up and the cart hit her from behind.
She told me that she could feel she was going to fall, so she just went to the ground and the golf cart ran over her shoulder and her elbow and then came to a stop. Egad! There were tense moments, everyone wondering how badly she was hurt. The others in the foursome rushed over to her in a hurry to move the cart and see how she was.
She was on the ground feeling badly. She survived with a scrape on her shoulder, which was bleeding, and an elbow that was very sore. Amazingly, there was quite an extensive first aid kit in one of the foursome’s golf bag and Jill was patched up, as women do so well, and put back in the cart.
One week later, Jill is recovering. Her elbow is still swollen and sore. I’m starting to suspect, after all this, that she might have a little hearing problem, too, since she didn’t hear the warning.
I reminded her that she needs a “keeper” and that we would all be glad to help her. We can chuckle about this now, because she’s OK. The incident was scary and one more thing that Jill has to offer us for entertainment. We will continue to follow her escapades.
(Melanie Behrens-melb@marysvillejt.com)



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