Off the Hook


Questions to consider

 I recently came across these questions that you are supposed to ask your friends to get a better insight into them. I’m not sure any if this will help you with me, but maybe you want to tell me how you would answer them.

 “If you could be any animal, what would you be and why?”

 That would be the one belonging to my friend, Mary Ann. Her dog is named Fritz. He is a cute little schnauzer that lives in a family with two adults who adore him. Fritz does pretty much as he pleases and they love it that way. He has access to a beautiful backyard and snacks and toys and lots of love. What more could you ask?

 “What is your favorite summer activity?”

 I love anything outdoors. This has been a crazy summer with lots of rain early and then horrendous heat. It’s been hard to play golf, tennis and pickle ball, but I’m sure giving it a try.

 “If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?”

 I have a fascination with Dubai, located in the Arabian Desert on the Persian Gulf. It is one of the seven Emirates of the United Arab Emirates. This is an exotic place in a crazy part of the world, where it may be the safest place to experience Muslim culture. It is a heavily monitored city, so violent crime is rare.

Things that are illegal in Dubai include: displays of public affection (especially between unmarried or homosexual partners), drunken behavior, dressing immodestly, swearing, making rude gestures, photographing people without their permission, having Israeli citizenship, (hmmm), criticizing UAE’s government, and fundraising for charity … what?

 I think, however, it is a lovely place with extreme wealth and Tiger Woods has even built a golf course there … definitely on my Bucket List.

 “What is the one thing that annoys you the most?”

 Oh, you may have heard me say this before – scam calls on my cell phone. In fact we gave up our home phone because the only calls we got there were from people trying to steal our hard-earned money. Our friends call on our cells. Even though I am on the  “do not call list” I am still getting scam calls. I resent dropping whatever I am doing to answer them. They have ranged from the IRS taking me away in handcuffs to my Microsoft account in arrears. (I use Apple only, so it’s not even applicable.)

 Usually, if I don’t recognize the call number, I don’t say anything and wait for someone I know to say something to me. If nothing happens, the call is dropped by them.

 “What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?”

 For me it was escargot (snails). It seemed like a brave move on my part. I realize many people enjoy them, but it was a little creepy for me. I ate them out of these little shells because I was teased into it. They were sort of slimy, but had a hint of garlic butter on them. It wasn’t awful, but I don’t want to have them ever again.

 “What is your favorite joke?”

 Actually my favorite joke involves a golfer breaking his leg. I think I can’t tell you anymore about it here, but if you see me, ask me and I’ll be glad to finish it.

“If you could trade lives with anyone for a day, who would it be and why?”

 I have thought long and hard about this. There are many great people in the world, but all of them have problems. I know that no one has a perfect life. So you might take on the good part of their life, but there has to be a bad part you would not want to deal with. I’m just going to stay in mine.

 “What is your biggest addiction?”

 Well, it has to be chocolate or maybe any kind of pie. I really like ice cream, too. So how can I choose? Let’s just say it has to be some sort of carbohydrate for me to want it.

 “Where’s the worst place you could get stuck?”

I think an outhouse on a really hot day. I was once stuck in a restroom in a train station near Paris. Unlike those in the U.S., the door went all the way to the floor and it was very hot in there, maybe 110 degrees and no AC. In fact, the whole train station was hot and I couldn’t get the door open. I am a little claustrophobic and it was a small area. I yelled and yelled in my best French and finally someone helped me. Suddenly the door opened. For sure, there was no crawling out under it. So, I think the only worst part would be if the whole place had smelled bad, like an outhouse, which it didn’t.

 “If you could get yourself anything, what would you get?”

 I know this is referring to a physical thing, but I would get good health for me, my family and all my friends. At a certain point in your life it seems to be the best thing you can wish for everyone around you.

So, I wish good health and happiness to all of you.

(Melanie Behrens –

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