That’s how the cookie crumbles

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Cookies are a universally wonderful thing. You say cookie to a child, even a toddler, and their eyes light up and you can see the excitement of knowing there will be true enjoyment in something really good. If you had to vote for your favorite cookie, I’ll bet 90 percent of you would say chocolate chip. It seems like you can’t go wrong with a chocolate chip cookie. Chocolate is truly wonderful anyway.
Of course, a good sugar cookie with icing is appreciated at our house and then there’s the nutritious oatmeal cookie. I have been known to serve my grandson an oatmeal cookie for breakfast because, after all, it has oatmeal in it and we eat that at breakfast time. He liked my reasoning. Now don’t turn me in to child protection services!
Have you ever had a nice warm cookie out of the oven? Truly it is the best dessert ever, only improved by a little ice cream on top of it in a dish. OK, now you’re thinking about your favorite cookie and the last warm one that you ate, right?
Since I have your full attention I want to point out that cookies have no calories. You cannot gain weight eating a cookie. That’s all been taken care of for you by many special circumstances. Isn’t this the best news you’ve had all day!
I came across some amazing reasoning recently and I like the way these people think. Cookies don’t hurt you and I have scientifically proven facts coming up.
1. If you eat a cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free.
2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.
3. If a friend comes over while you’re making your Christmas cookies and needs to sample one, you must sample with your friend. Because your friend’s first cookie is calories free (rule #1), yours is also. It would be rude to let your friend sample alone and, being the friend that you are, that makes your cookie calorie free.
4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
5. Any calories consumed during the frosting of a cookie will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue.
6. Cookies colored red or green have very few calories. Red ones have three and green ones have five – one calorie for each letter. Make more red ones!
7. Cookies eaten while watching a movie have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel.
8. As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
9. Any cookies consumed from someone else’s plate have no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate. We all know how calories like to cling!
10. Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes never have calories. It’s a rule!
So now that you have all the reasoning and evidence, you can eat cookies as you please.
More proof that children really love cookies is in this story: The children are lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and posted it on the apple tray. It said, “Take only one, God is watching.”
Moving further along the lunch line at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child had written a note. It said, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”
And then I remember the picture of Snoopy the dog saying, “I’m just about one cookie away from being happy” as he rubs his tummy with his hands.
(Melanie Behrens – melb@marysvillejt.com)



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