Seeing the worst of humanity in the happiest place on earth
I went on vacation recently to the happiest, humidest, place on earth and came away a little concerned for humanity.
Seven days in Orlando gave me a pretty good look at people from all parts of the globe and, to be honest, I don’t know how civilization trudges on. Now sure, the sheer number of people in Florida’s theme parks, six people per meter by my estimation, does not lend itself to seeing the best of sides of the human race. Your feet get stepped on. Your shoulders get bumped and you brush up against more sweaty arms that you would at an NFL football practice – but you paid for this, so you should try to extract some joy.
A few of the things I noticed:
People are getting huge – I haven’t been to the theme parks in a long time, but I don’t remember seeing the numbers of big-uns I did this year. It used to be that you would see a few large families and a couple concerning goo-bellies. I am a big guy and I felt like I was on the low end of the average size in the parks this year. That’s not OK. Half of the people in the park should not be larger than me, especially the ladies.
And here is another thing, why do they go to the park. I am right at the top of end of what can fit on a ride, generally because of my shoulders, but my hips aren’t living in comfort in those seats either. Most of those people can’t possibly fit in the ride seats. And also the food is ungodly expensive. So big people go to the park to sweat buckets, not fit on rides and spend their electric bill money on a day’s rations.
People are not nice – I’m not talking about a mom who has been shepherding six kids all day. Those people deserve an angry blowup when the last kid is an inch too short to ride Big Thunder Mountain. I just mean everyone, excluding the workers, is not pleasant. They are mean to their kids, their spouse and especially the employees. They cut in lines. They don’t hold doors. They steal tables in crowded eateries. They remain seated when elderly people step onto crowded transport buses. They moan and groan about the lines. And the bellringer, they complain when a ride is stopped so that a handicapped person can be helped onto the ride.
Kids are jerks – Millennials rejoice, because in a few years a new group of young adults is going to be here that will make your apathy seem like a quality trait. I don’t know what they will be called, perhaps the Veruca Salt generation. They want everything and I pity the parent who doesn’t provide them with everything. Let me paint the worst example of these tots, which I experienced in the Germany section of EPCOT’s World Showcase. She looked to be perhaps 5 or 6 and her family did not speak English so I can’t grasp exactly what she wanted, but she broke loose from a stroller screaming (first problem, 5 or 6 and in a stroller). She slapped her mother’s leg repeatedly, followed by her father’s. She was red faced and was approaching blue. She liked to point at her parents with a scolding finger. Then she ran away toward the main thoroughfare. Her parents, apparently used to this behavior, did not give chase. They mosied after her. A minute later she raced back in the other direction, the Doppler affect being proven by her shrieks. Her father finally grabbed her in a souvenir shop and her actions very much resembled an angry pike being hoisted from the water. It made me wonder how people in the actual country of Germany would have reacted to her.
Instagram is ruining young girls – Something that most caught my eye was the number of amateur photo shoots being conducted. Most of them involved a pretty teen girl and her slightly less attractive female teen photographer. The subject of the photo would find a particularly eye-catching backdrop and would then run through a series of poses and facial expressions in front of it while the other girl recorded every moment. Often, the subject would walk slowly toward the camera, hair flipping, winking, pausing to slowly lean over and then look up, seemingly surprised to see the camera there.
These scenes played out over and over. The theme parks were not about entertainment, but rather scenery. These girls would not walk the park looking for attractions to ride, they would scour the grounds for steps, flowers, fountains and things made of stone to lean on.
And I couldn’t help but think, what was the mentality of the henchman? What was so great about her friend that she wasted a day at a theme collecting pictures of her. Because, let me tell you, the roles never reversed so that pictures could be taken of number two. Not once. The less polished girl was always the photographer and never the subject.
And the nature of these shoots just undercuts the idea of photos in the first place. Pictures are to document things you did, places you went or things you have seen. The more these girls toiled over getting the perfect picture, the less of the theme park they were able to see.
Though I have done nothing but grumble about the people I saw in Florida, it really was a great trip. My daughter and I were able to accomplish almost everything we had hoped. The rotten people of the parks served only as a distraction.
-Chad Williamson is the managing editor of the Journal-Tribune.