Men’s rules

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At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are “the rules” from the male side.
I have found it necessary to comment on some of these rules as the female representative here. Please understand, I love men and enjoy their thoughts and time spent with them. I think these rules are not typical of all men, but the guys who wrote them down were very brave!
Guy rule 1 – Men are not mind readers.
I think this refers to the fact that women would like men to be more intuitive – to notice them and what’s going on around them. That would be so nice.
Guy rule 2 – Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. Men need it up. You need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Well, here’s the problem with that statement. When the toilet seat is down, no one can fall into the water. But when the seat is left up and it’s dark in the room and the seat position might not be noticed, anyone, mostly ladies, can fall right in and that’s a very bad thing!
Guy rule 3 – Crying is blackmail.
I’m not exactly sure what this means. Is he saying if you cry, he feels badly and can actually then do the right thing because of it?
Guy rule 4 – Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one – subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
Often, I do that at my house and sometimes, there’s very little response. Does this guy mean that if you ask for it, you get it? Wow, that’s impressive.
Guy rule 5 – Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
I would say this is a man’s usual way of answering a question with only, yes or no. Men are often succinct, not wanting to spend any more words than necessary. It fits right into the theory that the average man says 10,000 words a day and the average woman says 20,000 words a day. That statement was trying to say women talk more than men, but I have heard it explained this way: The reason women say twice as many words as men is because they have to repeat everything. What do you think?
Guy rule 6 – Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Here is a good reason for male bashing. I am not in that business, but I can see that this guy is not compassionate and doesn’t want to bother with basic human kindness. Yes, girlfriends are great for sympathy. What would women do without their girlfriends?
Guy rule 7 – If you think you look fat in that dress, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
What can I say? What woman would ask a man if they look fat? This is not even in my realm of understanding.
Guy rule 8 – If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.
OK, this is funny. In other words, whatever works best for you and whatever is the kindest way, that›s what they meant. OK, I›ll give him that.
Guy rule 9 – Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. Oh my gosh, I am familiar with this! This is the rule at my house. Do not try and have a conversation unless the commercial is on, especially if it is John Wayne or a World War II movie. The saving grace here is if it has been recorded, then the recording can come to a pause while I make my statement. Does this happen at your house?
Guy rule 10 – Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
What? The most important thing here is, if you don’t know where you are going, ask someone for help! Enough said.
Guy rule 11 – All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
This is funny. I feel for the guy. Men are so basic. Women see all the different shades and sometimes it›s important to know the difference between peach and pumpkin. But OK, this is typical male thinking.
Guy rule 12 – When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really? This statement probably reflects the fact that men do not really concern themselves with their attire. If it’s clean, they›ll wear it! Women want to look right for what the occasion demands. I do know several women who change their clothes three or four times before going out. That might be overkill.
The final insult to women might be these last two statements – You have enough clothes; you have too many shoes.
I am not saying those are not true statements. I›m just saying that›s a man›s judgment. What might be enough clothes and too many shoes to a man, might not fit the thoughts of a woman.
Now that we›ve had this discussion, remember, it was just meant to laugh at our differences.
(Melanie Behrens – melb@marysvillejt.com)



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