Last week we discussed “the rules” that some men live by. That caused a lot of reaction from the men who read this column, so I thought I would continue, since I’m on a roll.
In case you didn’t know, men and women are really different. As actress Katharine Hepburn once said, “Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.”
Here’s more of the humor of men in action.
“A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, “How many of you love your husband?” All raised their hands.
Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?” Some answered, “Today,” a few said, “Yesterday,” and some couldn’t remember. The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband, “I love you sweetheart.”
Next, the women were instructed to exchange phones with one another and read aloud the text message they received in response to the “love” message.
Here are 12 hilarious replies from their husbands. If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love. Who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?
1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What’s wrong?
4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
5. I don’t understand what you mean?
6. What the heck did you do now?
7. Are you having an affair?
8. Don’t beat about the bush. Just tell me how much you need.
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don’t tell me whom this message is actually for, someone will die.
11. I thought we agreed you wouldn’t drink during the day.
And finally, 12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn’t she?
Could it be we don’t say, “I love you” often enough, so when we do, it’s a big surprise to those we care for?
There is also the possibility that some men just can’t resist a chance at humor. There might be an unwritten rule that men should help each other in relationship problems with women. Do they need that?
Now try this relationship tip offered by a man attempting to help his male friends: “When a woman says, ‘Correct me if I’m wrong, but …,’ don’t do it. It’s a trap. Do not, I repeat, do not correct that woman.”
This same fellow also offered this advice – “When a woman asks, “What?” it is not because she did not hear you. She is giving you a chance to change what you said!”
But then here’s a semi-sweet thought from a man – “Hold your wife’s hand in the mall, because if you let go, she will start shopping. She will think it is romantic, but it’s actually economic.”
Now we have delved a bit into the thoughts of the men in our lives. We certainly think differently, that is, men and women. Here’s a great example of how that works.
“An English professor wrote the following words on the chalkboard and asked her students to punctuate them correctly: “A woman without her man is nothing.”
All of the males in the class wrote – “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”
All the females in the class wrote – “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”
As any English teacher will tell you, punctuation is powerful!
And finally, you know what they say: “A good man can make you feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world. Oh sorry, that’s wine. Wine does that.”
(Melanie Behrens – firstname.lastname@example.org)
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