Off the Hook

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Might as well laugh about it!
 Marriage is an interesting event that most of us are involved in at some time in our lives. I know many who have been married for more than 30 years. As I see it, opposites attract and that may mean a difference in approaches to solving problems or even where and when to go on a vacation.
 If you are married, or have been, you will enjoy these stories. They come from both a man’s and a woman’s point of view.
“A wife asks her husband, ‘Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have avocados, get six?’ A short time later the husband comes back with six cartons of milk. The wife asks him, ‘Why did you buy six cartons of milk?’ He replies, ‘They had avocados.’” Oh my gosh … this sounds so familiar!
 This one will be costly.
Wife: “There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”
Husband: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”
Wife: “I tell you, the car has water in the carburetor.”
Husband: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. I’ll check it out. Where’s the car?”
Wife: “In the pool.”
 “A husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called her mom and said, ‘He fought with me again. I am coming to live with you.’
Mom said, ‘No, darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.’”
 I really like this one. “And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth. Then He made the earth round, and He laughed and laughed and laughed.”
 “The husband on the phone with his poker buddies – ‘Guys I need your help. I’m in the middle of an argument with my wife and she just told me I’m right. What the heck do I do next?’”
 “A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, ‘Relatives of yours?’
‘Yep,’ the wife replied, ‘in-laws.’”
 “A solicitor for the Red Cross called upon a well-to-do young couple for a donation. Hearing a commotion inside, he knocked extra-loudly on the door. A somewhat disheveled man admitted him in. ‘What can I do for you?’ he growled, clearly upset about something. ‘I would like to speak to the master of the house,’ said the solicitor politely. ‘Then you’re just in time,’ barked the young man. ‘My wife and I are settling that very question right now.’”
 Three ways to get it going:
“I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. I’ll have the rump steak, medium rare, please.’ The server said, ‘Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?’ ‘Nah, she can order for herself.’ And then the fight started.”
 “A woman was looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, ‹I feel horrible. I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’ The husband replied, ‘Your eyesight’s absolutely perfect.’ And then the fight started.”
 “My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’ I said, ‘dust.’ And then the fight started.” Hmmm.
 Here’s an interesting thought – “To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.”
“Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is usually the husband.”
 He asked for it. ”When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first – the truck, the car, email, fishing … always something more important to me.
 Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. ‘When you finish cutting the grass,’ I said, ‘you might as well sweep the driveway.’”
“The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.”
 So, living together with anyone is always a challenge and don›t let others tell you differently! The way we take on the challenge shows how creative we can be with our sense of humor.
(Melanie Behrens – melb@marysvillejt.com)



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