My friends love to participate in my column. That is to say, they love to supply me with things they think will be great topics. I have to say I do agree with these recently received.
We will begin with this: “I wonder as I age that I may be less tolerant for questions asked of me that are sort of silly.” And then this – “Today I was in a store that sells sunglasses, and only sunglasses. A young lady walks over to me and asks, ‘What brings you in today?’ I looked at her and said, I’m interested in buying a refrigerator. She didn’t quite know how to respond.” Am I getting to be that age?
“When I was thinking about old age the other day, I decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it. The passing of the holidays has done me in!”
Did you ever notice this? “When people see a cat’s litter box they always say, ‘Oh, do you have a cat?’ Just once I want to say, no, it’s for company!” I am guessing it’s just their way of making conversation, but it seems like a crazy thing to say.
“Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, ‘An ambulance.’”
Here’s a really sad quote – “The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.”
And in addition to that – “Did you ever notice that the Roman numerals for 40 are XL.”
These are sad things to bring up just after the holidays when everyone has been baking and making candy and consuming way too much of everything. But on the other hand, you can say being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
“The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.” Oh how many times this has happened to me!
Every exhausted and frustrated parent knows this statement to be so quite true. “The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so they can tell when they are really in trouble.” Can you ever remember your parent reciting your three or four names so you knew they were serious about your actions and they wanted you to know it too?
And now I will leave you with this story (from one of my friends) which actually happened to an Englishman while traveling in France, as he admitted to being totally drunk. Here’s the story:
“A French policeman stopped the Englishman’s car and asked if he had been drinking? With great difficulty, the Englishman admitted that he had been drinking all day, that his daughter got married that morning, and he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception, plus many single malt scotches thereafter.”
“Quite upset, the policeman proceeded to alcohol-test (breath test) the Englishman and verified that he was indeed totally sloshed. He asked the Englishman if he knew why, under French Law, he was going to be arrested? The Englishman answered with a bit of humor (maybe uncharacteristic for the British), “No sir, I do not! But while we’re asking questions, do you realize that this is a British car and that my wife is driving on the other side?”
So thanks to my friends and as they say, may you always have love to share, cash to spare, and friends who care.
(Melanie Behrens – melb@marysvillejt.com)
Monday, April 12
